It was week 39.
I was already on leave for a 4 days before the bloody show on Friday. I was still reluctant to go to the hospital because it was just like pink spots. However I did call my mum to confirm if pink spotting indicates a bloody show. She confirms yes. So, I grabbed my clothes bag, and called my hubby at work. He drove me straight PCMC and at the labour room, the nurse cilok in (gosh, terribly uncomfortable!) and confirmed I was 3-4 cm opened. I was at first stage labour.
But the opening of 3-4 cm remained stagnant for probably 12 hours. I’ve got mild contractions going on in the night but at that time I chose to go on without medical intervention. The contractions were far apart and still bearable. The nurses came in to ask if I wanted epidural as I must decide soon because if contractions comes in closer and closer, the anesthetician will have a hard time injecting the epidural to my back (because I need to be very, very still). I got confused. I looked at my husband, and he didn’t say a thing, because it’s really up to me. It’s entirely my decision. I am the one who understand myself and how much pain I could endure. The pain is manageable for now, but I knew it will get worse. I finally said yes to the nurse for epidural.
Got jabbed in the back. After that the pain seems to have gone away and I got to rest for 4-5 hours at night. On Saturday early morning, the nurses cilok again, and still 4-5 cm?!?!?!?! Little progress. Then out of no where, I felt stronger contractions. PAIN became real. But I asked the nurses “Why is there still so much pain?!?!? I cringed, held on hard to the bedding’s rail and breath in-out deeply every single time a contraction sets in. Wow, that was painful. Wait, even with epidural?!?!?! I was so in pain that I scolded the nurses “Are you sure you injected the correct dose of epidural? If yes, why still sooooo painful?” The nurses explained that (slight?!?) pain is required for pushing out the baby. I screamed “Whatever la, just top up the dose, ok?!! NOW!!!”. As if I were a medical doctor.
Not a single tear from my eyes. I made sure every contraction (5 minutes apart!) I tahan and tahan (I don’t want to be that sissy girl, crying, screaming, as I knew pain endurance was my forte from my burst appendix, and marathons. LOL). Cringing and almost tearing down the bed’s railing was all I did. Was making conversations with my hubby whenever I could catch a breath. I was particularly glad that my hubby was supportive beside me all this while and not like those panicky/worried ones. It was around 10 am where they cilok me again: Oh, 8 cm dilated. Yippee. They broke my water, and bb should come out soon. Kan? Kan? But nope, baby’s heart beat still sooo strong and blood pressure still cantik, and refused to leave my tummy. I was now angry. With everyone and everything.
At 2.45 pm, the bidan cilok me and said: you still at 8 cm despite so many intervention – water broke, induced, bloody flow like a murder scene, they felt the baby’s head stuck for 5 hours at my pelvic bone and my pelvic wouldn’t open to 10 cm. The bidan trying to calm me by saying: it’s nobody’s fault. And I could murder that somebody who once mentioned that I have a huge pelvic and that childbirth was easy-peasy for big as* people like me, haa? At that time, the contractions were soooo close and pain was very intense. My hubby checked the machine measuring my contractions and let me know that the highest intensity I endured was 70++ (whatever unit that is) and that number was already off the charts for me in terms of pain. Tell you, even that intensity hasn’t made me cry. YET. (Later my hubby told me that without epidural, the pain intensity could have doubled – 150 whatever unit, so thank God I had epidural).
I only cried when my doctor came in and told me I needed an Emergency c-sec. I suddenly cried out loud because:
1. “Wah lau, 27-28 hours of labour pain, now u said it’s ALL going to be over in 45 minutes?!?!?!”
2. “This 27-28 hours of waiting finally end up bearing no ‘fruits’. Nothing is coming out after all this suffering? Not fair to me lah”.
An emergency c-sec was not what I expected. My baby was measuring small leading to the weeks of my full-term pregnancy, therefore I thought I could give birth naturally w/o medical intervention. I thought all the exercises during pregnancy – swimming and walking in Holland and my big as* would have made delivery easy, but nope.
In 45 minutes, it was over. My O&G doctor in the OT said: “Your baby is really, really cute” as he was pulled out from my broken body. I was like, “I know, right?” 😛 First thing I noticed while still in OT was that my baby was white like albino, and had chinky eyes. Oh well, all babies looked the same when they first come into this world – water-bloated and chinky eyes and loud mouths crying. The paed doctor held him close to me, I got to kiss him, and then I cried again: The whole childbirth process, is finally OVER (though the shivering didn’t).
I said a little prayer when baby was first pushed into my ward. Hubby said looks like mummy; I say look like papa. Whatever it is, I felt so blessed and glad that baby Daniel has finally arrived in style, gobbling/chewing up my entire nipple ever since until both nipples cracked and super painful. But no pain could beat the pain of childbirth, so what the heck, bring on the nipple sore!!